Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[enrages]

it
was a date?

[counterclock]

i asked you out and we wore matching costumes dude weve gone on dates before why is this even a little bit unanticipated

[enrages]

idk now it seems more serious since like
you almost died.
that's like
a real hardcore date thing.

[counterclock]

except you werent even there for that part you were fapping next to your dog or someth

[enrages]

what ew no gross ugrh.

[enrages]

i mean

uh
i should have been there.

[counterclock]

wait so do you send crab out of the room when you jerk off

[enrages]

WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING MY DICK TOUCHING HABITS.

[counterclock]

but you do touch it right

[enrages]

WE ARE *NOT* DISCUSSING MY DICK TOUCHING HABITS.

[counterclock]

ok fine

[counterclock]

yeah you shouldve been there

[enrages]

sorry.
i fucked up.

[counterclock]

its ok

[counterclock]

wanna get a burger

[enrages]

yeah, okay.
i'm bringing crab along.

[counterclock]

the diner has outdoor tables and dog treats so thats cool

[counterclock]

wear a coat its really cold out tonight

[counterclock]

uh

[counterclock]

i mean

[counterclock]

this dont have to be a date or anything we can just hang out

[enrages]

yeah i'm game.
sounds good.
super platonic good, yes.
and if aliens attack, i won't run away.



well, yes i will run the fuck away, but i will make sure you are runned away too.

[counterclock]

how sweet of you kar will you at least hold my hand you know how delicate i am

[enrages]

just for that, if we have to run, i'm grabbing you by the elbow.

[counterclock]

i will fight you for your hand