Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[counterclock]

but you do touch it right

[enrages]

WE ARE *NOT* DISCUSSING MY DICK TOUCHING HABITS.

[counterclock]

ok fine

[counterclock]

yeah you shouldve been there

[enrages]

sorry.
i fucked up.

[counterclock]

its ok

[counterclock]

wanna get a burger

[enrages]

yeah, okay.
i'm bringing crab along.

[counterclock]

the diner has outdoor tables and dog treats so thats cool

[counterclock]

wear a coat its really cold out tonight

[counterclock]

uh

[counterclock]

i mean

[counterclock]

this dont have to be a date or anything we can just hang out

[enrages]

yeah i'm game.
sounds good.
super platonic good, yes.
and if aliens attack, i won't run away.



well, yes i will run the fuck away, but i will make sure you are runned away too.

[counterclock]

how sweet of you kar will you at least hold my hand you know how delicate i am

[enrages]

just for that, if we have to run, i'm grabbing you by the elbow.

[counterclock]

i will fight you for your hand

[enrages]

i will scurry away, both for my life and for my dignity.

[counterclock]

holding my hand is undignified now

[enrages]

only when i dont want to hold your hand.
and i dont want to hold it today because i'm trash etc etc all the reasons above about how i'm a terrible friend cross-applied here.

[counterclock]

well i guess that makes sense yeah

[counterclock]

youre all within your rights to not hold hands because you feel bad about yourself

[counterclock]

but maybe holding hands would make you feel better or someth

[enrages]

is
this like when you said weed might make me sleep

[counterclock]

it almost did until you freaked out and ran away