enrages | Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

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I guess Spinneret and Serket sound sort of slightly similar? Aaaaaaaand Octavia means, like, 8. And "Mindfang" has 8 letters.
8oom! VALID CONNECTION.
And ok, 8rave leader! I'll 8e w8ting.
(Just don't mention Spinneret to him ok or he'll get gross trauma echoes a8out 8lood and horri8le shit pro8a8ly and you'll 8oth get triggered and just DON'T DO IT.)

okay, okay.
no mindfangs or spinnerets and i guess spinneret-- you had a spider mom??
are you part spider jesus?
are you going to grow eyes and legs and shit???

N8 I 8M N8T G8ING T8 GR8W SPIDER L8GS.
I know for a FACT that I was mostly human shaped! Like I saw my own arm and the diary never mentioned me having a fuckload of extra legs or eyes or w8.

W8.

Oh no

8h n8 8H SH8T 8H M8 G8D 8'M G8ING TO GR8W EYES
SPINNERET D8D 8-EYED SMIL8YS K8RS8N I'M G8ING T8 L88K HID8OUS OH *SHIT*

oh god
oh
fuck
oh god
HOW DO YOU EVEN COVER THAT UP?!?!
NO MAKE UP CAN HIDE THAT SHIT?!!?!!?

If I grow 8 eyes I am going to kill myself.
TW: suicide.

PUT THE TRIGGER WARNING ABOVE THE ACTUAL TRIGGERING MATERIAL.

ALSO DON'T KILL YOURSELF HOLY SHIT.

I W8N'T KILL MYSELF AS LONG AS I DON'T GR8W 8 HIDE8US SPIDERY 8YES 8h m8 g8d I'm g8ing to I kn8w I 8m any sec8nd n8w I'll g8t that gross puls8y feeling and th8n it'll only 8e a m8tter of t8me oh god I'm too young and h8t to die I h8 everyth8ng tell Alan to nev8r forg8t me

OKAY OKAY LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT EYES RIGHT NOW WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT EYES ANYMORE.
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

UH

UH
UHHH
FUCK IM THINKING ABOUT EYES THIS IS TERRIBLE.

I am reaching 8ut I fall

8ut the stars
They're s8 very 8lack and cold, Kars8n

no, octavia,
no.
don't do this.
no please no.

I can skip t8 the spl8sh at the 8nd, if you want????????
SPL8SH.
Glu8!
RIP OCT8VIA SERKET, DIED OF 8IGHT LOUSY G8DDAMN STUPID F8CKING EYES.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I 8n't actually dead, you fucking tool, I didn't pulse 8ack 8 eyes.
May8e I won't ever! Like I know I was grey and had horns and pro8a8ly had messed up teeth like the one chick I remem8er. 8ut I 8n't got those things 8ack yet!
SO I am sure my eyes will 8e FINE.

i know you're not dead, moron.
i was just being dramatic to fit with the drama of the situation holy shit you are so dumb.
but yeah, if you haven't gotten a pulse by now, you probably won't get one.
you're safe.

You 8astard. >8C

*>::::C

wh
what is that.
what
the fuck is that.

What do you fucking THINK it is, Karson?
Other than MY CAREER AS A H8T ACTR8ESS GETTING FL8SHED EVEN FURTH8R DOWN THE F8CKING PAN THAN AFTER I G8T THE C8CKSUCKING F8IRY WINGS I FUCKING H8 MY STUP8D L8FE TH8S IS 8LL YOUR F8ULT!!!!!!!!

oh fuck i'm so sorry
i'm so sorry
oh man
oh god

wait pics or it doesnt exist.

oh my god im so sorry im so sorry how are you going to deal with that can you still see ARE YOU BLIND!?!?

Yes, Karson, I am fucking 8lind. I am typing to you 8lindly, without sight, and 8F C8URSE I'M N8T 8LIND YOU COMPLET8 FUCK.
It 8n't changed shit! Like I didn't even think they were real pupils at first 8ut they dil8 and contract and shit and oh my god IF ANY8ODY NOTICES I WILL GET POLICED AT AND THEN I WILL DIE.

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Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

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