Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[enrages]

some people are just fucking crazy, i guess.

[eras]

okay that's fair and true

[enrages]

got we gotta like
get people dating and shit up in here.

[eras]

how do you even propose to do that
i guess most people don't find an alien invasion (or wtfever we agreed this is) that romantic
weirdly :p

[enrages]

it's like
the suspension bridge effect.
if you're in a dangerous situation with someone else, you're more likely to fall in love.

[eras]

are you suggesting we put people in dangerous situations on purpose
or suggesting it should happen if we wait long enough
or what

[enrages]

i think that if we do dangerous things, we should do them in groups of two, and we should carefully pick those groups.

[eras]

who would you send me off in a group with

[enrages]

im not telling.

[eras]

...does that mean you don't know? :p

[enrages]

no, i know.
what would you define your sexuality as, though?
i need to know that to confirm my plans.

[eras]

either or

[enrages]

yeah thats legit.
okay.
got my plans.

[eras]

i suddenly feel concerned again
what would you define your sexuality as, karson?

[enrages]

i'm heterosexual, but well aware of my cis privilege.

[eras]

your answers are certainly never dull

[enrages]

they are truthful.
truthinessful.

[eras]

truthinessful?
so when exactly was the last time you slept

[enrages]

h
hah
hahahahahahaaahahaa
months
years
weeks
man i dont even fuckin know anymore.
i fell asleep after the mine thing, and haven't slept since.
i cant count time anymore, it doesnt work right.

[eras]

i take it saying karson go the fuck to sleep would not actually help any

[enrages]

i wish it would.
i
wish.
so hardcore.
there is nothing i wish for more than "go the fuck to sleep" actually working.
it's why i havent been running any film club meetings at school so far.
i just cant
do shit like this.

[eras]

maybe you will eventually gain the ability to function on no sleep
since the ability to stay up is pretty much
um
ridiculous otherwise

[enrages]

i


fucking hope.
i mean
it's not as bad after the two week mark.
that's when it starts sucking less.
maybe thats functioning??

[eras]

please tell me you're not driving still

[enrages]

uh.