Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[counterclock]

[The knock on the door almost rattles her out of her skin. She knows it is Karson, because no one else would be visiting her, but still the idea that it's some cop or something who was stalking her texts and is now here to arrest her comes to mind, and Avery is briefly, irrationally terrified.

And then she realises that she's being fucking stupid.

Not that she hasn't been acting stupid all goddamn day.

The moment they agreed upon this little rendezvous, Avery began frantically cleaning her apartment. There were things that became tidied that were never meant to be tidied whilst in her possession. It honestly began to scare her. She vacuumed. She swept. She threw out useless junk. She put shit on bookshelves like an actual human being.

She bought a stoner fancy light thing ages ago but never ended up using it, but now she takes it out. It's an oscillating cap full of coloured plastic that sends beams of coloured light around the room, which is probably fun as hell when you're high. Unfortunately they're not doing fucking MDMA, but it'll do.

She buys pizza. She doesn't actually know Karson's favourite kind of pizza, but she does know Crab's (what the fuck is her life) and so she gets a goddamn stuffed crust pizza with extra sausage, and no one can judge her if she doesn't admit to it.

She takes every soft thing in the apartment and piles it on the end of her bed, which is where she plans on placing him. She leaves a single throw pillow for herself on the other end of the bed.

The fact that she makes a goddamn playlist is a given, but it's still kind of stupid. She goes for some classically inspired stuff, a lot of instrumentals and electro with little to no vocals. She actually spends two and a half days making the playlist perfect, ordering the songs together so the segues are flawless and smooth, which is ridiculous because he is probably not going to pay attention and neither will she.

Avery does it anyway.

In the end, she's so fucking high strung over so many things that there's nothing more to be high strung about. She ends up finding one more thing, and so she packs the pipe before he gets there... and then ends up rolling a joint as well, figuring she'll give him his choice of the two.

Having no other choice but to admit that there's nothing else she can do, Avery slinks over to the door and opens it up.] ... Hey.

[enrages]

[ Karson legitimately thinks about fleeing. As soon as she opens the door, he takes a step back, and is fully prepared to run the fuck away at the speed of light. But Crab's already smelling the pizza and running into the apartment, and Karson knows he can't leave his weebabby dog behind. ]

Uh. [ With that greeting, he follows his dog in, finds the pizza, and immediately starts eating. ]

[counterclock]

[She's a little too surprised to really... do anything but watch as both of them close in on the pizza. Avery slowly shuts the door behind them, eyes wide.] Wow, okay, you're welcome.

That was supposed to be for like, after-- [but she stops herself, because she doesn't really want to explain munchies right now. She's got pop tarts and chips and hot pockets in the fridge if he gets hungry later, so all she does it steal a piece of pizza and give him a couple seconds to eat before clearing her throat a little. Sparkles stumbles out from wherever she was sleeping and meows at the newcomers, alerting the little dog of her presence.]

[enrages]

[ Only after shoveling two slices of pizza in his face, he speaks. ]

Hey. And hey, Sparkles. [ He feeds a crust to his doge and lets him frolic off to sniff all over the cattywampus. ]

[counterclock]

[Avery holds out a hand to say hello to her cat, but she is ignored in favour of doge, so she drops it. That leaves her to interact with Karson.

Shit.

She looks at him and the almost half-gone pizza, then hunches her shoulders awkwardly. The animals immediately begin playing (though Sparkles challenges Crab for the remainder of his crust) and she watches for a second before turning back to him.] So, uh.

What's up?

[enrages]

[ Karson rests his elbows on the table, eyes half watching the wee babby pets play, and half completely out of it. ]

I haven't slept in a week and a half.

[counterclock]

[She sighs.] Shit, Kar. [Well he's eaten, she guesses there's no point in putting it off.]

You wanna do this thing, then? You don't have to if you don't wanna, we can just watch a movie or someth if you've changed your mind.

[enrages]

[ Staring blankly at the place the pets were about five seconds ago. ]

The worst part is day ten through fourteen. It's unbearable. I will literally do anything at this point to sleep for a single fucking hour.

[ He turns to Avery, obviously exhausted beyond belief. ]

Let's do this shit.

[counterclock]

Okay then.

C'mon. [She tosses her head in the direction of her bedroom, then turns to lead the way. Grabbing her Special Box of Special on the way in, she folds her legs under her and sits on her designated side of the bed, before pointing at the pile of pillows and a blanket that makes up Karson's side.] Get comfy, [she instructs.]

[enrages]

[ He follows, letting Crab and Sparkles do whatever the fuck they do. Animal friend things. ]

I need one thing confirmed: this isn't an elaborate plot to kill me and hide the body, right?

[ He says while crawling onto the bed, going to his assigned location. ]

Just... gotta make sure. I think Bundy did shit like this.

[counterclock]

Nah, cross my heart, this is completely legit. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and you can stop at any time. Whatever you need just ask me and I'll get it for you to the best of my ability.

Last of all, I'll be here the whole time and you won't ever be left alone, and I am a really lucid smoker so don't worry about doing anything stupid or getting your shit taken advantage of. I will legit be here to look after you until you're sober enough to drive. Unless you want to sleep over because you don't think you can drive, that's cool too. Oh, and I have a shitton of food if you get the munchies.

Anything else?

[It's a familiar speech; the same one her own sister gave her the first time they smoked. She had... an interesting family, to say the very goddamn least.]

[enrages]

[ Her little speech seems to pacify him... for now. Karson settles into the blankets and pillows, takes a deep breath and: ]

Alright. Let's go. Let's do it.

[counterclock]

Alright.

[She opens the magic box.]

I've got two options for you. We can use a pipe, or a joint. [She lifts both up and presents them for his inspection.] Choose whichever one you like best.

[enrages]

...

[ he considers the two options like a criminal on death row considers lethal injection vs firing squad. ]

Let's try the pipe. That's the stereotypical vehicle for highness, right? Plus, it's colorful. I'll always take the more colorful option.

[counterclock]

Good choice. Joints are bitchy sometimes. [She puts the joint away and takes out a lighter, then closes the box and sets it at the bottom of her bed. Wielding the pipe and the lighter in front of her mouth, she looks up at Karson to give him one last chance at backing out.]

You ready?

[enrages]

Yes. [ he says forcefully. theres no backing out. he already consumed the pizza, he is already in the pillow nest. no retreat. ]

You first, though.

[counterclock]

[She snickers at his intensity, then nods and sets the pipe between her lips and flicks the lighter on. The first inhale is a fucking godsend; it's beautiful, it's relaxation after being wound tight like a fucking thread around a bobble or whatever those fucking things are called. It hasn't even begun to influence her but just the act of breathing in makes her muscles relax in anticipation.

Smoke billows around the mouth of the pipe as she breathes out, removing it from her lips and giving Karson a crooked little smile.] Okay. It's time. It's time to get fucked up, K-man.

[enrages]

[ He crinkles his nose at the scent before reaching for the pipe. Karson takes for-fucking-ever (trying to figure out how to hold the thing, whether he should cover the little hole at the base, how does he even inhale properly?), so the ember has already gone out before he puts his lips to it. ]

Okay, so I just... Inhale, right? That's all?

[counterclock]

[Grinning a tiny bit, Avery just watches and lets him figure it out.] Yup. Just go for it, babe-- oh ahaha fuck, hold on. [Adjusting the lighter in her hand, Avery inches closer, holding it over the barrel of the pipe.] That shit went out, I gotta light it again.

I'm gonna turn it on, just breathe in when I tell you, mmkay? Don't take too much. Hold your breath for like, two seconds, but if you feel like you're gonna cough blow it out so you don't lose your shit, alright?

[She flicks the lighter.] Kill it, bad boy.

[enrages]

[ to be a man you must have honor
honor and a penis ]

Just breathe, okay. I got this. I can do it. Alright... [ He puts his lips to the tip again and inhales. He waits long enough to pull away from the pipe before erupting into coughing and lungpain. ]

[counterclock]

[karson that's transphobic]

Ah, shit...

[Pulling the pipe away, Avery gives him a small, crooked smile of sympathy. She did the same thing, basically. No instruction really stops the humiliation of your first coughing fit. It's only because her sister did the same thing for her that Avery brings her hand to his back and rubs it lightly, patting him and waiting for the coughing to stop.]

C'mon now. Don't feel bad, everyone does it. I did, too, aha...

[enrages]

[ Too busy coughing to feel embarrassed. ]

Wa-- [ coughs coughs coughs ] Water, fuck. I need-- [ coughs into the sunset ]

[counterclock]

[Avery sets the pipe between her teeth and rolls her eyes as she hops up to grab a bottle of water she had set out beforehand. She doesn't trust him to catch it so she doesn't throw it to him, instead picking up his hand and putting the bottle into his palm when she comes back.]

Hey, babe, c'mon. Relax. I'll be over quicker that way.

[enrages]

[ CHUGS THAT SHIT ]

Ugh, it doesn't hurt. It's just, ugh. [ cough ] Lemme try again. I won't cough this time.

[counterclock]

Mmkay. [Her hand comes up to the pipe and Avery breathes in, taking a quick hit before passing it on to Karson.] Just take it slow. I believe in you 'n shit.