Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[counterclock]

look at the words karson what do they say

[enrages]

they say shut up i can fucking read where are you going with this.

[counterclock]

wear a nice suit ok

[enrages]

w

what

[counterclock]

dont sound so confused you said you knew where i was going with this are u now gonna tell me you dont

[enrages]

this is suddenly not going where i was assuming it was going at all.
not in the least.

[counterclock]

good

[counterclock]

im taking you out to dinner douchefuck

[enrages]

you're seriously doing that.
like legit
for serious.

[counterclock]

i told you to see if i was fucking joking and guess what im not now what restaurant do you want to go to pick or ill pick for you

[enrages]

[ most expensive place in town ]

[counterclock]

damn i heard their pate was kinda meh but ok youre the lady here be there at 630 on saturday

[enrages]

y
you're
serious
what
what what
what

[counterclock]

wow do i sound like im joking

[counterclock]

ok also what colour dress are you wearing i need to match my tie like a prom date

[enrages]

black.

[counterclock]

classy

[counterclock]

anything else i should know like should i bring you flowers or some gay shit

[enrages]

i will also owe you nothing at all.
this is free food for me, nothing else.

[counterclock]

all i want is the pleasure of seeing you recoil at having to sit at a table with me for 45 mins

[enrages]

am i allowed to vomit?

[counterclock]

only if u wanna risk getting kicked outta the restaurant then sure

[enrages]

alright fine.
no throwing up.

[counterclock]

good boy

[counterclock]

you get dessert if u hold my hand and stare lovingly into my eyes for at least forty seconds