Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[enrages]

im gonna punch you.

[counterclock]

id let you take the shot if i thought you could do it

[enrages]

i'm gonna teach my dog to punch you.

[counterclock]

crab would never punch anyone hes a gentleman

[enrages]

i'll get kanti to punch you.

[counterclock]

too fuckin late

[enrages]

sorry about that by the way.

[counterclock]

.................yeah well

[counterclock]

aint your fault

[counterclock]

she needed to let some steam out its fine it probably made her feel better and its good you were there anyway if we were alone they might never have found my body

[enrages]

she just
kinda gets like that sometimes.
super hardcore.

[counterclock]

its good that you have someone to have your back tho like shit she protects you like a mama bear that just sat on the worlds angriest thumbtack and that shit aint easy to find in a person

[counterclock]

i also might be sorta sorry for lettin you run off like that

[counterclock]

i shouldnta

[counterclock]

fuck i just didnt know how to stop you even though letting you drive like that was dangerous and i shoulda known youda been scared and i majorly fucked up

[counterclock]

i hope i didnt like fuck you up or anything or break your trust that would make me feel pretty goddamn awful if that was a thing i did

[counterclock]

you deserved a better experience than what you got and its my fault i failed in giving it to you and it turned out shitty when it was only supposed to help

[enrages]

no
it's
just
i'm a wimp i've always been a wimp and it's not your fault at all.
so
please don't blame yourself for me freaking out?

[counterclock]

but i know youre a wimp and i shoulda accommodated for that i shoulda tried to calm you down instead of letting you leave like you did its just i froze up like a fucking asshole and let you run off instead of helping like an actual friend should and you know your friend was fucking right to punch me in the face for it i deserved it

[enrages]

wow no do not victim blame yourself!!!!!
none of that bullshit!!!!!!!!

[counterclock]

dude i am not victim blaming myself

[enrages]

you totally are.

[counterclock]

karson your best friend did not *victimise* me

[enrages]

you are a victim of a terrifying punch in the face, and while you might be an asshole, no one deserves violence!
so yes, my best friend DID victimize you.

[counterclock]

you have problems like serious problems