Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

[wirsinddiejager]

[AND THUS EVERYONE LEARNED A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT FRIENDSHIP. TIME TO WRITE A LETTER ABOUT THIS TO PRINCESS CELESTIA.]

[enrages]

Oh, shut up. [ eyeroll as he inhales and starts a coughing fit all over again. ]

[counterclock]

[Avery slowly eases herself onto the bed next to him, leaning back against the plethora of pillows. She pats his back idly, waiting for him to stop coughing; her eyes drift to where Crab and Sparkles are playing on the carpet, not too far away. It's nice. Minus the, uh. Coughing fit.]

You're hitting it too fast. What did I goddamn say about relaxing?

[enrages]

don't tell me what i'm supposed to be like.
didn't you read the bible?
jesus totally flipped his shit more than once.

[enrages]

Oh, shut up. [ wheeze. Despite being a little bitch 24/7, he's actually grateful for the backpats. Even if he'll never admit to it.

wheeze some more and then he GOES FOR ANOTHER HIT TO BE THE ULTIMATE BADASS no this was a bad idea ]

[counterclock]

[Oookay that's enough. Avery gently wrestles the pipe away from his grasp, snickering a little.] Dude, you should not be taking this much on the first time. You're gonna get wrecked.

Shit I think you've had more than I have. [Lazily, she draws another puff, trying to remedy this.

[counterclock]

actually i think he only flipped his shit once and i bet he never spit in anyones pizza

[enrages]

jesus totally would have spit in someone's pizza.
especially if they were an asshole roman.
turn the other cheek, motherfucker.
so you can spit from a different angle.

[counterclock]

pffffffffft yea squirt i dont think so but nice try

[counterclock]

so two deer walk out of a gay bar

[counterclock]

one deer turns to the other

[counterclock]

and says:

[counterclock]

wow

[counterclock]

i cant believe we blew thirty bucks in there

baaaackdated to september 21

[earnedmystripes]

[This is incredibly stupid. He's typed and deleted the number in his phone about ten times because, what the hell is he even doing.]

uh hey

Karson?

can i uh

ask you a favor

[...he hits 'send' on his phone and pretty much instantly regrets it. It's ridiculous. He's a grown-ass man, he should be able to send a fucking message to someone on his own and if he can't then he should suck it up and deal with it, not drag a goddamn teenager into his stupid problems. But. The message is already sent, and there's nothing he can do about it now.]

text message;

[drama8om8]

KARSON I HAVE ROMANCE DEETS
Hot soul8ond-relevant gossip a8out smoochings and secret-until-now-afaik-rel8tionships and shit DO YOU WANT THE DEETS I HAVE THE MOST INTRIGUING OF DEETS.

[enrages]

??
uh?
sure? what is it?
i've got a paper to write for class, so it'd better not take much of my time.
but also taking into account the fact that i don't sleep anymore, i guess i can make time.
so
yeah
what is it.

text message;

[enrages]

giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

[enrages]

i hate you.

[counterclock]

aw cutie

[counterclock]

here let me try again

[counterclock]

roses are red

[counterclock]

violets are blue

[counterclock]

there was a vermaxi attack at the party you ditched me at

[enrages]

a



wait a what?
is that some kind of tampon or something?????