Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

TEXT

[enrages]

if there's a party, tavia's probably going.
and she'll drag her shouty boyfriend along.
and if they're going to be there, i think i have the right to invite myself, kanti, and teresa.

TEXT

[summit]

Oh my God. Please, no.
To her, not everyone else.
Even Aria doesn't like her! That's like, impossible. Aria likes everyone.

TEXT

[enrages]

all of those ladies are my friends.
i don't know which one you're talking about, but i'm about to get super defensive about all of them.

TEXT

[summit]

Octavia has been super rude to me, so, I'll just get defensive right back.

TEXT

[enrages]

son, you do not want to face me in a defensive off.
i have been preparing for this all my goddamn life.
my defensiveness levels are off the fucking charts.

TEXT

[summit]

Okay then what's defendable about her? Because, I haven't seen anything so far.

TEXT 1/2

[enrages]

like, everything?!!?
okay, sure her voice is annoying and she's pretty socially unacceptable and pushy and one time she mind controlled me into complimenting her butt a bunch of times and i'm not even a butt kinda guy BUT

TEXT

[enrages]

FUCK YOU is what.
she buys me ice cream and loves my little dog.
she's also dating a crazyass psycho motherfucker, but he's also kinda a good guy.
so yet again, reiteration: fuck you.

TEXT

[summit]

Oh well if she buys you icecream everything is totally okay.

TEXT

[enrages]

i'm going to beat you to death with your own sarcasm.

TEXT

[summit]

I think I have a pretty understandable problem with people who call me ugly, okay. I'm sorry if that's a problem?

TEXT

[enrages]

like i said, she's pretty socially unacceptable.

okay, IF i go to this party, which is a big IF, i will keep her away from you and aria.
okay????

TEXT

[summit]

Fine.

TEXT

[enrages]

fine.

TEXT

[summit]

[ AND NO MORE RESPONSES FROM HIM.

facebook helpfully informs everyone he's watching return to neverland which is his go-to anger movie. ]