Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

text message;

[enrages]

[ of course he texts back ]

waitwait wait we have to discuss things?!?!?!? what !?
where are you?!
what are you doing?!!?!
i don't want your fucking money if you die!?!? what the hell is HAPPENING!?!?

text message;

[enrages]

[ he then proceeds to send a text message every ten minutes for two hours.

and then a whole bunch more after that. and he tries to call a lot and worrie 5ever and wow you fuckin moronnnnnnnnnnnnn





totally going for the money though ]

[enrages]

[ hes not giving the money back either
not ever
this is what you get for making him worry forever ]

Voice;

[enrages]

Yeah, yeah, I just never understood how you got them to stop.

[earnedmystripes]

*how is that being triggering* I have to go to work!!!!

There was no way I could've known he was network till he had a pulse in front of me okay

[HUFF!]

are you gonna help me or not

Voice, at work, like 2 minutes before he otherwise would have gotten to go home.

[two_stones]

I need your help. This is important. Please, help me. Only you can help me.

I need to find the best pizza.

Use... like, science, and stuff. Use science to figure out which pizza is the best, and bring it to me.

I will master it. Only I can do the pizza justice.

Voice;

[vetala]

Karson... I grew nearly two feet.

[counterclock]

hurry up we aint got time to waste get in the bunker dudebros

[enrages]

okay okay fine, i'm helping.
just
gimmie his contact on the network and i'll get to it.




you are so embarrassing, though.
i hope you know that.

[enrages]

Oh jesus. Please tell me you're at home right now. Please.

Voice;

[enrages]

It's not like you can step on them or some shit-- there's gotta be something else.

Voice,

[enrages]

I know who you are, and my boss isn't recording this call because he's already gone home for the day. Just as I'm about to go home, you sick fuck.

[enrages]

that reminds me



i need to build a bunker, just as ron paul would want me to.

[gogoghostpowers]

I'm so sorry Karson

Tell Crab I'm sorry

[enrages]

what have you done

[gogoghostpowers]

I think Crab's gonna be a soulbond person soon

I got a pulse a little while ago and I think I remember Crab now

[enrages]

what
did you remember

[gogoghostpowers]

Uh

You know the monster that showed up to the halloween party? He looked like that except a bit more like a dog. And he could talk and was calling me 'friend' in Esperanto.

Crab hasn't started speaking Esperanto yet right? Or getting big or scary?

[enrages]

YOU'RE TURNING MY LIL PUPLET INTO A FUCKING MONSTER?!

[gogoghostpowers]

NOT ON PURPOSE!

[enrages]

FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE THIS SOULBONDSHIP IS FUCKING OVER.

[gogoghostpowers]

Wait, nothing's happened to Crab yet, though, right?!

Maybe he's still safe!

[enrages]

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER SEE HIS CUTIE FLUFFY BODY EVER AGAIN.

[gogoghostpowers]

I will have to live with those consequences, I know. Even if I am gonna miss his adorable little face.

Just tell him I'm sorry. Just in case he understands. Or uh "mi bedaŭras" I guess.

[enrages]

NO I WONT TAINT HIS LITTLE EARS WITH THAT LANGUAGE CRAP OH JESUS MY LIL BABY'S GOING TO BE A MONSTER WHY GOD WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT THIS ONTO MY FRAGILE FAMILY?!