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Karson Valenti's Voice Mail
"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.
If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"
*beeeep*
If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"
*beeeep*
text;
We are like. 8 popes. Each!
You will get futuremarried how you WANT to get futuremarried and WHY ARE YOU EVEN THINKING A8OUT DIVORCE POSSI8LY 8EING INITI8TED 8Y THE WIFE YOU DON'T HAVE YET ANYWAY STOP DOOMING YOURSELF TO FAILURE.
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thus sayeth the jesuses.
glad that's cleared up.
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Sure. Divorce is fine.
8ut not encouraged! And definitely not something you should 8e thinking a8out ahead of time SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR DEAL ARE YOU NUTS.
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i'm just thinking ahead, you know??
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You have to 8e like ME!
I 8n't never getting divorced. Or married, pro8a8ly, unless Alan asks super nicely.
It is the Serket curse. When we get married, our hus8ands mysteriously fall out of windows or drown in the pool or get unfortun8tely impaled on fences or suffer f8tal 8urns from a George Foreman grill. ::::C
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not
marry alan.
maybe you could marry people we don't like
do you can you know
kill em?
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I don't want to 8e some kind of un8elieva8le superwidow like mom!
Official Jesus proclam8tion: marriage is LAME and pointless and dum8 and there 8n't nothing I can't do unmarried that I couldn't do married.
YOU can 8e the Jesus that gets married! Pro8a8ly to Crab let's 8e real.
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trufax.
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How long has it 8een since you slept THIS time 8ecause I think you 8asically just okayed 8estiality in our future religion
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t hree months
maybe
i
think
omg i'm not going to fucking fuck my dog what the hell.
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Three MONTHS?
Are you serious. H8ly f8ck. Uh. Ok8y.
Have you tried:
1) 8etter pillows
2) MORE pillows
3) asking me to put you to sleep again even though you got night terrors or whatever
4) sleeping with some8ody (>:::;D)
5) getting sleeping sickness
6) sleeping on a pile of something (THIS ONE IS GR8 I RECOMMEND THIS)
7) I'm out of ideas
8) o8lig8tory #8 option.
Seriously sleeping on piles is GOLDEN. Try that.
Sleep on a pile of PEOPLE even! Like a puppy. WHO LOVES PUPPIES? YOU DO. YES YOU DOES. YOU DOES!!!!!!!!
text;
2) yes
3) fuck no
4) shut the hell up
5) wow
6) what?????
7) wow
8) wow
what the hell do you mean piles????
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Firstly I meant sleep with some8ody without 8oinking them! It is actually pretty restful. Unless they h8ppen to yell a8out distur8ing things sup8r loudly in th8ir sl88p. And even then it is STILL pretty sweet!
8ut the piles thing is like.
I mean actual literal piles of things.
Like when I slept on my pile of loot? 8EST NIGHT'S SLEEP OF MY FUCKING LIFE I SWEAR TO GOD.
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I JESUS PROMISE (!!!!!!!!) that when I slept on my loot pile it was the most incredi8le and restful sleep I have ever experienced.
And then I tested with a pile of pillows and that worked too! Seriously.
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how many pillows does it take to classify as a "pile"?
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May8e like. 8ulk the pile up with other soft things?
Like towels and clothes and. Junk.
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gonna try this shit.
if it doesn't work out, i'm blaming you forever.
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Sleep tight, dude. ::::Oc