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OOC Information:
Name: linda
Are you over 15? yes
Contact: Pb2Ag @ AIM | superfluously @ plurk
IC Information:
Name: Karkat Vantas | Karson/Carson Kathleen Valenti; his shitty deadbeat father was drunk when he was born, so no one knows if his name is spelled with a C or a K or why the fuck Kathleen is his middle name.
Canon: MS Paint Adventures: HOMESTUCK
Age: 6 sweeps (13 years) | 16
Preincarnation Appearance: Karkat is a beautiful animal.
Any differences: Pretty much the same, except less troll and more human. He's pretty small for his age with black scraggly hair, black eyes. It's obvious he's got some Italian in him. Maybe a bit of Indian. Honestly, HE HAS A FEW DROPS OF MINORITY IN HIM AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS FOR PERSONALITY REASONS THAT WILL LATER BE EXPLAINED.
Preincarnated History: Prepare yourself, children. We're about to venture into the magical and incredibly confusing world of Homestuck. Before getting to Karkat's story, though, I implore you to check out my setting section from my Singularity app. Reading that will save me (and you) from having to start and stop the history to meander down the brainrotting path of world building explanations and bullshit.
We good? We good.
So, 13 years (6 sweeps) before the beginning of Hivebent, a mutant blooded grub was forcefully introduced to Alternia via meteor. The meteor part, however strange, was nonunique, because around the same time, 11 other meteors carrying wee petite babbies also landed on Alternia. According to Karkat, this was the worst possible thing that has ever happened in his life, and it is completely his own fault. Because 13 years from that point (during Hivebent), through various time shenanigans, Karkat creates paradox clones of himself, his 11 other friends, and all of their ancestors (which, as implied by their name, do not end up on Alternia at the same time as the other kids). Great job, kid. You done good.
So, we have a grub who grows up relatively well (thanks to the efforts of a cult who follow the teachings of Karkat's ancestor), discovers the troll version of the internet, and proceeds to be the biggest jackass in reality, all while obsessively hiding his mutant blood color (plot twist: he is pretty godawful at that). You'll see in his personality section how heavily his mutation plays into his characterization.
Through undefined bullshittery, Karkat the Douchebag makes a variety of friends, and they all end up playing a game that they think will save their world. Spoiler: it doesn't. Instead, it results in the end of their world and eventually their universe. Thankfully, though, before all that dramatic ending occurs, they are each transported to their own planets in the Medium, or the setting for their universe destroying/creating game. Karkat's planet is the Land of Pulse and Haze, and it is as hideous as a Shamu after a particularly heinous murder spree.
Here, in the Medium, Karkat becomes the leader of the group through some serious bitching at all parties involved until they realize that just doing what Karkat wants will save them having to listen to his ranting in the long run. Brilliant leadership skills. Surprisingly, despite social norms of troll society about murder and being massive dickwads, Karkat keeps the group together, keeps them from killing each other (minus the one time Aradiabot kills Vriska, but she gets better so it's okay). The game goes pretty successfully in a violent way, at least until Karkat goes to claim their prize (the universe they created). It's here that a terrible, no good, very bad demonic dog/tentacled cat/one armed harlequin/bird with a sword through the chest monster shows up, and everything goes straight to hell. Through the quick actions of Aradiabot and her millions of doomed timeline clones, the troll group are teleported to a random meteor in the Veil, immuring them in a living tomb, there to linger out what may be a long life in the hardest and most monotonous toil, without any of its alleviations or rewards--debarred from all pleasant sights and sounds, and cut off from all earthly hope, except a slight mitigation of bodily restraint, or a small improvement of diet.*
*John Stuart Mill's commentary on Homestuck
Through various time shenanigans, the trolls discover the humans-- the ones who populate the universe that the trolls had created, and Karkat is very quick to blame them for everything that went wrong. He encourages all the others to start vicious trolling campaign which results in Karkat realizing that 1) these guys are fucking dumb, 2) working together with them might be their only opinion, 3) all of this is probably his own fault in the first place, because Karkat fucked up the whole process of creating the universe, which convinces him that he gave the human universe the cancer that created Bec Noir (the horrible asshole demon). Through bullshit shenanigans, Karkat's friends, Gamzee, Eridan, and Vriska go on a crazy murder spree, which results in the deaths of a lot of people. Eventually, Eridan is stopped by a now undead Kanaya, Vriska is stopped by Terezi, and Gamzee is stopped by Karkat (through the power of pale loveee). However, there was a divergent timeline in the canon-- where Terezi chooses not to stop (read: murder) Vriska. In this timeline, because of her failure, both she and Karkat are personally murdered by Bec Noir, while everyone else sans Vriska is exploded to death. Vriska then battles it out with Bec Noir for revenge, and regardless of whether or not she was successful, the outcome is shitty and terrible for everyone involved. This is the timeline my Karkat comes from.
Reincarnated History: Before we begin, let's get the permissions out of the way:
C/Karson Valenti was born in Locke as an American 90s child. Unfortunately, it was the tail-end of the 90s, which means he doesn't remember any of it, but by god, that won't stop him from claiming the 90s as his heritage. Inflatable furniture and phones made with clear plastic belong to him.
His mother is a lovely woman-- in fact, probably the loveliest woman you could ever possibly meet. She's so lovely that C/Karson's father couldn't stand to be married to her, because he's only attracted to horrible people. She's so lovely that, when her foul-mouthed toddler son decided his life was "better off without bitches," she listened to him and left the father-son failure combo be. She writes and calls frequently, but C/Karson only responds when he wants to complain about what terrible shit his dad is up to (which is every day).
So C/Karson lives in a single parent household with Jack as his father and a small Scottie dog named Crab (children suck at coming up with animal names, okay). Often times, C/Karson is convinced that Jack loves Crab more than he will ever love his own son, and he's probably correct in that regard. Because, unfortunately, when you have the shittiest house in the decent part of the city, it takes a lot of hard work and holla holla get dolla to stay there. This means his dad is either always working or always blowing off steam-- a pastime that involves alcohol and being hyper critical about everything C/Karson ever does. Instead of relenting to the horrors of no self esteem and a million personality complexes, like many children who have to deal with asshole family members, C/Karson has made it his personal quest to prove himself superior to his father-- through attaining positions of leadership in high school (first chair of the sousaphone section in marching band/french horn in concert band, peer counselor, president of the Film Club) and being incredibly ornery all the fucking time. In fact, he furthers this obsession with being successful by claiming, as frequently as possible, that there's no way he's Jack's biological son and that he has to be adopted so that failure doesn't run in his blood. It's the only explanation.
Stemming from this ridiculous belief that he was adopted, C/Karson likes to take on a minority complex. He is a tumblr social justice warrior at its finest, which means he usually takes offense at any perceived slights towards who and what he is. This often manifests itself when watching people play Super Mario Cart because fucking WOW Mario is an incredibly offensive stereotype of the Italian people and how the fuck are you getting enjoyment out of this while eating shitty NONItalian pizza and cracking tasteless jokes about the plight of poor people.
Ironically enough, he works as a pizza delivery boy for Pizza Hut. He drives his dad's car like some hundred year old blind dog, who's texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. No one realizes that he's just trying his best.
Academically speaking, he sucks. Not because he's dumb, though. Oh, no, that'd be too easy, and no form of Karkat Vantas ever settles with easy. It's because he's a stubborn little fuck who writes what he wants to write about and no man, woman, or child has the right to limit his creative expression. You want a paper on the Great Gatsby and how it reflects the death of the American dream? Well, fuck you, old sport. You're getting a 25 page thesis on why no one gives a shit about shallow, dumbshit people like Daisy and how C/Karson's problems are so much worse than Gatsby could ever possibly realize. Chemistry lab report? How about die in a fire you hellbeast teacher but it'll be a green fire because copper is the way to go. He's accepted the fact that his life will always be terrible, so the idea of a good college is completely out of the question. At least for now.
Like all kids his age, he is online constantly and saved all his delivery tips to buy a smartphone. He spends his free time scouring the internet, ready to deliver capslock rage on all those who displease him. Which is literally everyone.
First Echo: When he was 10 years old, C/Karson fell out of a tree. It hurt like a bitch, my friends. It hurt so much that our dear babby C/Karson felt the need to shriek his pain to the heavens so that all within earshot would have the unpleasantry of having their eardrums busted so that they too could experience a single fifth of the pain that C/Karson was experiencing. As he opened his mouth to screech, his eyesight went red. Red from blood. Because, as we all know, head wounds bleed ridiculously, and while sweet babbs C/Karson wasn't injured too badly, the red was everywhere.
It was in this moment that C/Karson was overwhelmed with the sense of wrongness. That his blood was wrong, that no one should ever see it, that it should be kept hidden, that his very life depended on these basic facts. He was different; the word "mutant" sprung to his mind. That, and a series of numbers that he's never been able to forget.
Preincarnation Personality:
The first trait that comes to mind when describing our precious, nubby-horned troll is rage. Pure, unadulterated rage. Nonstop. All the time. There is no escape. Rage at the humans for fucking up the troll's session-- rage at the troll's crazy antics. It's always there. However, things get interesting when one asks WHY?
There are a few things to look at while answering this question:
1) Karkat's position in society. As described above, trolls sure are weird. And Karkat, due to his weird mutation in blood color, is the weirdest. Because of this, there are certain (obvious) aspects of himself that he must keep secret. One of the key defining features is blood, and he can’t reveal his own for his own protection. Rage acts as a cover—if someone so much as HINTS at wanting to know the color of his blood, he does a backwards pirouette flip right off the handle before landing a perfect ten and winning the Beijing Olympics. Rather than continue pressing him for information, the inquirer is now dazed and astonished at his rage acrobatics. It’s the perfect crime. This rage-secrecy DOUBLE COMBO contributes to...
2) His self loathing. Admittedly, Karkat’s an inherently crabby guy. Even when he begins opening up to Jade a little more (in the conversation where he and his currentself argue while Jade furiously introduces her head to a desk), he’s still a big grump. However, that inherent trait extends further when coupled with the fact that he fucking hates himself more than anyone else. He hates himself to the point where he believes that he’s his own kisemsis, since no one else can keep up with him (including John—IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BEEEEE). We see his self loathing a lot when shit goes bad—the prime example being one of his more recent conversations with John. Trolls are dying, and Karkat blames himself for not keeping the team together, despite the fact that a troll’s typical disposition is towards violence. Moments like these are where he drops...
3) His tough guy attitude. Because of his weird position in society AND his self loathing, Karkat feels the need to overcompensate. Like, look “short guy syndrome” up in the dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of Karkat scribbled over a picture of Napoleon Bonaparte. In fact, I feel the need to do this RIGHT NOW. Okay, got that out of my system. Let’s continue here.
For most of his position in the comic, Karkat acts either as a bully or a big, fat jerk. He’s constantly harassing Jade, even after she blocks him a million times. Even after they’re friends, she describes him as “the douchiest of crabby crabs who ever douched a big douchey crab.” He harasses John every chance he gets, even going as far as developing a hatecrush on him. Which is instantly shot down due to John’s “NO HOMO” stance. In revenge, the reign of backward trolling begins (where Karkat’s first convo with John is one of the more recent ones, and Karkat’s more recent convos with John are John’s first), which really only results in a big pile of stupid and confusion for all parties involved. Karkat didn’t really think that one through, which he’s admitted. But in his goal of remaining the human’s “ANGRY GOD,” he keeps it up, for most of the series, because he’s too damn stubborn to admit to hate-hitting on John. Though, admittedly, this tough guy attitude will drop when his selfloating overcomes his blaming of others/SHIT HITS THE FAN (aka, when Kanaya and Feferi are killed right in front of him and Gamzee goes off the deep end; arguments with Sollux where, after them, Karkat asks if they're still friends). But, for most of the time, his attitude leads to the fact that Karkat is generally...
4) Fuckin’ unpleasant. While, sure, he grew some (especially as a leader) during SGRUB, he still acts like a big douchenozzle most of the time. His first action when finding out about the humans is to not give a damn. However, after being told that they were somehow involved in the ruination of his session, his next action is to order everyone ever to troll the shit out of them. He continues to blame them, despite the knowledge that paradox space likes to make things as connected and convoluted as possible. And, well, he blames them until he (begrudgingly) figures that they need to work together to survive. Which shows that, yes...
5) He actually cares. It’s shown time and time again that, despite his angry capslock rage, he actually cares about his team and them surviving. One of the prime examples of this is KARKAT RELATIONSHIP HOUR—multiple chats that are comparable to watching Dr. Phil. Basically, everyone ever comes to Karkat for relationship advice. Even in public places, like his memos. Due to his love of romantic comedies, Karkat probably knows more than anyone about troll romance, how it works, what ones will fail/succeed, and everytroll knows this. So, that means he’s getting Eridan whining at him, Tavros worrying about Vriska kissing him, and everything in between. And, well, he helps as best as he can. Another example of his caring is the fact that they were generally successful in their SGRUB game—until shit went down, of course. He, himself, called it a perfect game, completed in only about a month. He got both teams working together (red and blue), which (as Vriska later reflects) might not have been the intention of the game after all, due to the unnatural behavior of trolls working together. He also finds it necessary to relay messages from his future self to Jade, despite not really knowing what’s going on and easily being enraged by Jade. He worries about his team, especially when they all wander off in their little space meteor, and decides that it’s his duty to stay put as a center for them to regroup (he only leaves when he realizes that Gamzee will probably kill him). He even feels regret for making Terezi cry, despite being jealous as fuck towards Dave. HE CRIES RED WEE PETIT BABBY TEARS WHILE CORPSESMOOCHING KANAYA IN AN ATTEMPT TO REVIVE HER. All of this caring, worry, and guilt leads to the fact that Karkat is...
6) Rather obsessive. It’s mentioned that during the month of SGRUB, one of the main reasons Karkat never woke on Prospit during their adventure is because he barely slept. He was too busy plowing through the game and getting everyone to work together to take care of himself and participate in a vital part of the game. However, more importantly and relevant, is Karkat’s obsession with arguing with himself. Throughout their game and their time in the Veil, Karkat sets up memos to inform the team. These memos almost always result in Karkat arguing with himself from various timelines, which are pretty much the most hilarious things ever. Instead of, say, in the future deciding not to respond to a memo due to the humiliation it caused him in the past, Karkat responds anyway, feeling the need to tell his pastself that he is fucking stupid. This results in an endless cycle of selftrolling, which continues to the point where Karkat tends to blame his otherselves (past and future, regardless if they are only two minutes apart) for various failures. It takes Jade calling him out on it and some serious apology-action for him to finally admit that, yes, his pastself is also him. As is the future self. But he still often insists that they’re both bigger douchebags than he is.
Despite all of these traits, Karkat still has...
7) Spectacularly questionable leadership skills. These are the most questionably questionable leadership skills since Frederick the Great rocked onto the scene in 1740. Suddenly, we realize I'm a Prussian historian. Whoops. Like dear ol' Fritz, Karkat has respect of those following him. Unlike Fritz, this wasn't gained through his bloodline position or amiable personality AND LAUGHING AT CHAMPION AUSTRIAN FENCERS TRYING TO ASSASSINATE HIS ASS. Instead, it was gained by completely ignoring the blood-based caste system and shouting at everyone until they followed his orders. Equally. Best plan. Surprisingly, it worked. It's questionable whether such tactics would work in a nontroll situation; however, by the fact that all the trolls are alive (shut up, Aradiabot counts) by the time they reach the Veil, he can be considered pretty damn successful.
Suddenly, asking “Y SO SRS, KARKAT” turns into my entire personality section.
Any differences:
Most obviously, he isn't a troll. This has phsyiological and psychological impacts. Considering the fact that this is a personality section, we'll focus on the psychological for now. Most obviously, he isn't a psychopath. The troll species is basically a bunch of shitfaced murderhappy assholes, and two of those descriptors are unacceptable for human society. Despite the fact that Karkat probably has the most human emotions out of all the trolls, he was still pretty trolly, which would be considered fucking psychotic in a human setting. Needless to say, that's not a thing anymore. He doesn't want to be a badass threshecutioner anymore, he doesn't issue as many death threats and speak lightly about people dying. He's a bit more compassionate outwardly.
Basic troll social functions, like having a giant monster as a parent and not really having family, are gone-- from his vocabulary and his mind. He knows what family is, he knows what friendship is, and he can form normal human friendships without being constantly on his guard that someone might flip out and go postal. Alternatively, he also doesn't exist in a perpetual state of terror and fear over his blood color-- despite his first Echo. While he's convinced there's something wrong with his blood, it's not on the scale of Karkat's fear that everyone he knew would turn against him if they found out he was a mutant. So, honestly, he's a little more laid back. Not much, but enough to constitute a difference. Basically, if this were the Sims, you'd put a ton of points into obsession and assholery for Karkat and use the leftovers for compassion. For C/Karson, there's more of a balance between obsession, assholery, and compassion.
Another difference is that he fucking sucks as a leader now. Sorry, yelling at everyone until they do what you want only works for trolls. Despite this, he keeps trying. There's a reason he's the founder and sole member of his school's Film club.
Finally, troll romance isn't a thing for nontrolls. Let's take a moment to weep a little over this loss. While C/Karson still loves RomComs and being everyone's go-to guy for romance, it's no longer as complicated as it once was. This is important, especially when it comes to pale feelings of love, which was pretty important to Karkat's characterization later in Homestuck. Pale love is a platonic form of love-- just as important to trolls as romantic love. It also requires the two trolls who are in pale together, or moirails, to balance out each other's flaws. Karkat ends up acting as Gamzee's moirail, which stops his crazy dumbshit clown murderspree and saves the remaining trolls. This form of relationship, as well as hatemance (a relationship entirely based on hate and is also the reason Karkat started speaking to John in the first place, which kickstarted the troll's involvement in Homestuck), no longer exists, which means C/Karson perceives romance in an entirely human and boring fashion.
Abilities: Like the other trolls, he's gained all the levels (minus god tier), so he knows what he's doing in a fight. It seems trolls are hardier than humans; we've seen this through their violent culture, crazyass feats of strength (STRONG jump, anyone?), and being able to take heavier wounds with less dire consequences. Hell, when stabbed, Karkat's first response is to panic about his blood showing, not to flip tables over being fucking STABBED. Despite this, we know that Karkat is no where near the strongest of the trolls-- in fact, they kind of all have really wonky power levels in comparison to each other (did i seriously just use the phrase "power levels" oh my god).
Basically, if a bunch of Looney Toons had to form a basketball team to protect themselves from being enslaved on an alien theme park, and they had one opening on their team, they would be wise if they chose a troll. Perhaps troll Michael Jordan. Come on and slam, troll Michael Jordan. Welcome to the jam.
Karkat is skilled when fighting with sickles, which he was able to access through a crazy, convoluted system called a Sylladex. Basically, he could grab supplies out of a limited hammer space.
Roleplay Sample – Third Person:
He hates his job.
Honestly, deep down, everyone probably hates their job. Based on how much his dad complains about every bit of paperwork he has to take home or every hour of overtime he pulls, there are probably more miserable jobs than being a Pizza Hut delivery boy. In fact, he's got it good-- employment at age 16, decent tips, free pizza whenever he wants (read: stealing pizza whenever he wants). He should be thankful for this gainful employment. He's not part of a gang, he's not involved with drugs, he hasn't gotten shot yet. Yet. Hell, he was able to buy the iPhone 5 when it came out due to the money he was making.
But still.
Karson fucking hates his job. He hates it with all the creative fury of a teen delivering pizzas to a city of assholes. Assholes that, unfortunately, seem to think the rumor "if your pizza is delivered late, you get it for free!" is god-mandated law. Well, newsflash to all the moneygrubbing bitchmongers of Locke City-- Karson will take his merry time delivering this pizza, and he will also take his merry time in explicitly describing all your cranial malfunctions. The only pizza you'll get for free is the pizza of dying sad and alone. Which isn't actually a pizza at all...
It's a good thing his manager mandated that he accept payment before opening his mouth.
Roleplay Sample - Network:
hey, hey you worthless piece of garbage. i swear to god, if this is the result of Obamacare implanting numbers in my mind, i'm going to backflip straight into the sun propelled solely by my fists and the screams you'll unleash as i pummel you to death.
if it's not Obamacare, it's basically me being a genius and hacking into your super secret baby playhouse for government adults who think they own the world.
guess what, kids? i'm gonna fuck your shit up.
and you'll never catch me.
no matter how hard you try, no matter how many drones strikes you send my way!
i'm 15 million steps ahead of your pathetic attempts at being intellectual, because i already thought of that.
so keep fondling your collective, but *singular* brain cell you call the CIA, and pray to god for a single iota of my brilliance.
i've got to be still for about 8 seconds so you can triangulate my position, right?
well, outsmarted you there!! i'm tEXTING WHILE DRIVING, YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT MY LOCATION, JUST FUCKING TRY IT!
MAKE MY DAY!!
*I DARE YOU.*
THE PATRIOT ACT IS SHIT!
OBAMA, YOU ARE THE CANCER THAT HAS TAKEN AMERICA BACK BEHIND THE SHED AND PUT IT DOWN OL' YELLER STYLE!!!
RON PAUL 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if this
isn't
a secret government network meant to monitor the disruptive (read: right) members of society...
then
fuck.
i dont know what to say.
uh.
hey.
Here's a secondary roleplay sample - link
Any Questions? n/a; thank you for your time
Name: linda
Are you over 15? yes
Contact: Pb2Ag @ AIM | superfluously @ plurk
IC Information:
Name: Karkat Vantas | Karson/Carson Kathleen Valenti; his shitty deadbeat father was drunk when he was born, so no one knows if his name is spelled with a C or a K or why the fuck Kathleen is his middle name.
Canon: MS Paint Adventures: HOMESTUCK
Age: 6 sweeps (13 years) | 16
Preincarnation Appearance: Karkat is a beautiful animal.
Any differences: Pretty much the same, except less troll and more human. He's pretty small for his age with black scraggly hair, black eyes. It's obvious he's got some Italian in him. Maybe a bit of Indian. Honestly, HE HAS A FEW DROPS OF MINORITY IN HIM AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS FOR PERSONALITY REASONS THAT WILL LATER BE EXPLAINED.
Preincarnated History: Prepare yourself, children. We're about to venture into the magical and incredibly confusing world of Homestuck. Before getting to Karkat's story, though, I implore you to check out my setting section from my Singularity app. Reading that will save me (and you) from having to start and stop the history to meander down the brainrotting path of world building explanations and bullshit.
We good? We good.
So, 13 years (6 sweeps) before the beginning of Hivebent, a mutant blooded grub was forcefully introduced to Alternia via meteor. The meteor part, however strange, was nonunique, because around the same time, 11 other meteors carrying wee petite babbies also landed on Alternia. According to Karkat, this was the worst possible thing that has ever happened in his life, and it is completely his own fault. Because 13 years from that point (during Hivebent), through various time shenanigans, Karkat creates paradox clones of himself, his 11 other friends, and all of their ancestors (which, as implied by their name, do not end up on Alternia at the same time as the other kids). Great job, kid. You done good.
So, we have a grub who grows up relatively well (thanks to the efforts of a cult who follow the teachings of Karkat's ancestor), discovers the troll version of the internet, and proceeds to be the biggest jackass in reality, all while obsessively hiding his mutant blood color (plot twist: he is pretty godawful at that). You'll see in his personality section how heavily his mutation plays into his characterization.
Through undefined bullshittery, Karkat the Douchebag makes a variety of friends, and they all end up playing a game that they think will save their world. Spoiler: it doesn't. Instead, it results in the end of their world and eventually their universe. Thankfully, though, before all that dramatic ending occurs, they are each transported to their own planets in the Medium, or the setting for their universe destroying/creating game. Karkat's planet is the Land of Pulse and Haze, and it is as hideous as a Shamu after a particularly heinous murder spree.
Here, in the Medium, Karkat becomes the leader of the group through some serious bitching at all parties involved until they realize that just doing what Karkat wants will save them having to listen to his ranting in the long run. Brilliant leadership skills. Surprisingly, despite social norms of troll society about murder and being massive dickwads, Karkat keeps the group together, keeps them from killing each other (minus the one time Aradiabot kills Vriska, but she gets better so it's okay). The game goes pretty successfully in a violent way, at least until Karkat goes to claim their prize (the universe they created). It's here that a terrible, no good, very bad demonic dog/tentacled cat/one armed harlequin/bird with a sword through the chest monster shows up, and everything goes straight to hell. Through the quick actions of Aradiabot and her millions of doomed timeline clones, the troll group are teleported to a random meteor in the Veil, immuring them in a living tomb, there to linger out what may be a long life in the hardest and most monotonous toil, without any of its alleviations or rewards--debarred from all pleasant sights and sounds, and cut off from all earthly hope, except a slight mitigation of bodily restraint, or a small improvement of diet.*
*John Stuart Mill's commentary on Homestuck
Through various time shenanigans, the trolls discover the humans-- the ones who populate the universe that the trolls had created, and Karkat is very quick to blame them for everything that went wrong. He encourages all the others to start vicious trolling campaign which results in Karkat realizing that 1) these guys are fucking dumb, 2) working together with them might be their only opinion, 3) all of this is probably his own fault in the first place, because Karkat fucked up the whole process of creating the universe, which convinces him that he gave the human universe the cancer that created Bec Noir (the horrible asshole demon). Through bullshit shenanigans, Karkat's friends, Gamzee, Eridan, and Vriska go on a crazy murder spree, which results in the deaths of a lot of people. Eventually, Eridan is stopped by a now undead Kanaya, Vriska is stopped by Terezi, and Gamzee is stopped by Karkat (through the power of pale loveee). However, there was a divergent timeline in the canon-- where Terezi chooses not to stop (read: murder) Vriska. In this timeline, because of her failure, both she and Karkat are personally murdered by Bec Noir, while everyone else sans Vriska is exploded to death. Vriska then battles it out with Bec Noir for revenge, and regardless of whether or not she was successful, the outcome is shitty and terrible for everyone involved. This is the timeline my Karkat comes from.
Reincarnated History: Before we begin, let's get the permissions out of the way:
C/Karson Valenti was born in Locke as an American 90s child. Unfortunately, it was the tail-end of the 90s, which means he doesn't remember any of it, but by god, that won't stop him from claiming the 90s as his heritage. Inflatable furniture and phones made with clear plastic belong to him.
His mother is a lovely woman-- in fact, probably the loveliest woman you could ever possibly meet. She's so lovely that C/Karson's father couldn't stand to be married to her, because he's only attracted to horrible people. She's so lovely that, when her foul-mouthed toddler son decided his life was "better off without bitches," she listened to him and left the father-son failure combo be. She writes and calls frequently, but C/Karson only responds when he wants to complain about what terrible shit his dad is up to (which is every day).
So C/Karson lives in a single parent household with Jack as his father and a small Scottie dog named Crab (children suck at coming up with animal names, okay). Often times, C/Karson is convinced that Jack loves Crab more than he will ever love his own son, and he's probably correct in that regard. Because, unfortunately, when you have the shittiest house in the decent part of the city, it takes a lot of hard work and holla holla get dolla to stay there. This means his dad is either always working or always blowing off steam-- a pastime that involves alcohol and being hyper critical about everything C/Karson ever does. Instead of relenting to the horrors of no self esteem and a million personality complexes, like many children who have to deal with asshole family members, C/Karson has made it his personal quest to prove himself superior to his father-- through attaining positions of leadership in high school (first chair of the sousaphone section in marching band/french horn in concert band, peer counselor, president of the Film Club) and being incredibly ornery all the fucking time. In fact, he furthers this obsession with being successful by claiming, as frequently as possible, that there's no way he's Jack's biological son and that he has to be adopted so that failure doesn't run in his blood. It's the only explanation.
Stemming from this ridiculous belief that he was adopted, C/Karson likes to take on a minority complex. He is a tumblr social justice warrior at its finest, which means he usually takes offense at any perceived slights towards who and what he is. This often manifests itself when watching people play Super Mario Cart because fucking WOW Mario is an incredibly offensive stereotype of the Italian people and how the fuck are you getting enjoyment out of this while eating shitty NONItalian pizza and cracking tasteless jokes about the plight of poor people.
Ironically enough, he works as a pizza delivery boy for Pizza Hut. He drives his dad's car like some hundred year old blind dog, who's texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. No one realizes that he's just trying his best.
Academically speaking, he sucks. Not because he's dumb, though. Oh, no, that'd be too easy, and no form of Karkat Vantas ever settles with easy. It's because he's a stubborn little fuck who writes what he wants to write about and no man, woman, or child has the right to limit his creative expression. You want a paper on the Great Gatsby and how it reflects the death of the American dream? Well, fuck you, old sport. You're getting a 25 page thesis on why no one gives a shit about shallow, dumbshit people like Daisy and how C/Karson's problems are so much worse than Gatsby could ever possibly realize. Chemistry lab report? How about die in a fire you hellbeast teacher but it'll be a green fire because copper is the way to go. He's accepted the fact that his life will always be terrible, so the idea of a good college is completely out of the question. At least for now.
Like all kids his age, he is online constantly and saved all his delivery tips to buy a smartphone. He spends his free time scouring the internet, ready to deliver capslock rage on all those who displease him. Which is literally everyone.
First Echo: When he was 10 years old, C/Karson fell out of a tree. It hurt like a bitch, my friends. It hurt so much that our dear babby C/Karson felt the need to shriek his pain to the heavens so that all within earshot would have the unpleasantry of having their eardrums busted so that they too could experience a single fifth of the pain that C/Karson was experiencing. As he opened his mouth to screech, his eyesight went red. Red from blood. Because, as we all know, head wounds bleed ridiculously, and while sweet babbs C/Karson wasn't injured too badly, the red was everywhere.
It was in this moment that C/Karson was overwhelmed with the sense of wrongness. That his blood was wrong, that no one should ever see it, that it should be kept hidden, that his very life depended on these basic facts. He was different; the word "mutant" sprung to his mind. That, and a series of numbers that he's never been able to forget.
Preincarnation Personality:
The first trait that comes to mind when describing our precious, nubby-horned troll is rage. Pure, unadulterated rage. Nonstop. All the time. There is no escape. Rage at the humans for fucking up the troll's session-- rage at the troll's crazy antics. It's always there. However, things get interesting when one asks WHY?
There are a few things to look at while answering this question:
1) Karkat's position in society. As described above, trolls sure are weird. And Karkat, due to his weird mutation in blood color, is the weirdest. Because of this, there are certain (obvious) aspects of himself that he must keep secret. One of the key defining features is blood, and he can’t reveal his own for his own protection. Rage acts as a cover—if someone so much as HINTS at wanting to know the color of his blood, he does a backwards pirouette flip right off the handle before landing a perfect ten and winning the Beijing Olympics. Rather than continue pressing him for information, the inquirer is now dazed and astonished at his rage acrobatics. It’s the perfect crime. This rage-secrecy DOUBLE COMBO contributes to...
2) His self loathing. Admittedly, Karkat’s an inherently crabby guy. Even when he begins opening up to Jade a little more (in the conversation where he and his currentself argue while Jade furiously introduces her head to a desk), he’s still a big grump. However, that inherent trait extends further when coupled with the fact that he fucking hates himself more than anyone else. He hates himself to the point where he believes that he’s his own kisemsis, since no one else can keep up with him (including John—IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BEEEEE). We see his self loathing a lot when shit goes bad—the prime example being one of his more recent conversations with John. Trolls are dying, and Karkat blames himself for not keeping the team together, despite the fact that a troll’s typical disposition is towards violence. Moments like these are where he drops...
3) His tough guy attitude. Because of his weird position in society AND his self loathing, Karkat feels the need to overcompensate. Like, look “short guy syndrome” up in the dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of Karkat scribbled over a picture of Napoleon Bonaparte. In fact, I feel the need to do this RIGHT NOW. Okay, got that out of my system. Let’s continue here.
For most of his position in the comic, Karkat acts either as a bully or a big, fat jerk. He’s constantly harassing Jade, even after she blocks him a million times. Even after they’re friends, she describes him as “the douchiest of crabby crabs who ever douched a big douchey crab.” He harasses John every chance he gets, even going as far as developing a hatecrush on him. Which is instantly shot down due to John’s “NO HOMO” stance. In revenge, the reign of backward trolling begins (where Karkat’s first convo with John is one of the more recent ones, and Karkat’s more recent convos with John are John’s first), which really only results in a big pile of stupid and confusion for all parties involved. Karkat didn’t really think that one through, which he’s admitted. But in his goal of remaining the human’s “ANGRY GOD,” he keeps it up, for most of the series, because he’s too damn stubborn to admit to hate-hitting on John. Though, admittedly, this tough guy attitude will drop when his selfloating overcomes his blaming of others/SHIT HITS THE FAN (aka, when Kanaya and Feferi are killed right in front of him and Gamzee goes off the deep end; arguments with Sollux where, after them, Karkat asks if they're still friends). But, for most of the time, his attitude leads to the fact that Karkat is generally...
4) Fuckin’ unpleasant. While, sure, he grew some (especially as a leader) during SGRUB, he still acts like a big douchenozzle most of the time. His first action when finding out about the humans is to not give a damn. However, after being told that they were somehow involved in the ruination of his session, his next action is to order everyone ever to troll the shit out of them. He continues to blame them, despite the knowledge that paradox space likes to make things as connected and convoluted as possible. And, well, he blames them until he (begrudgingly) figures that they need to work together to survive. Which shows that, yes...
5) He actually cares. It’s shown time and time again that, despite his angry capslock rage, he actually cares about his team and them surviving. One of the prime examples of this is KARKAT RELATIONSHIP HOUR—multiple chats that are comparable to watching Dr. Phil. Basically, everyone ever comes to Karkat for relationship advice. Even in public places, like his memos. Due to his love of romantic comedies, Karkat probably knows more than anyone about troll romance, how it works, what ones will fail/succeed, and everytroll knows this. So, that means he’s getting Eridan whining at him, Tavros worrying about Vriska kissing him, and everything in between. And, well, he helps as best as he can. Another example of his caring is the fact that they were generally successful in their SGRUB game—until shit went down, of course. He, himself, called it a perfect game, completed in only about a month. He got both teams working together (red and blue), which (as Vriska later reflects) might not have been the intention of the game after all, due to the unnatural behavior of trolls working together. He also finds it necessary to relay messages from his future self to Jade, despite not really knowing what’s going on and easily being enraged by Jade. He worries about his team, especially when they all wander off in their little space meteor, and decides that it’s his duty to stay put as a center for them to regroup (he only leaves when he realizes that Gamzee will probably kill him). He even feels regret for making Terezi cry, despite being jealous as fuck towards Dave. HE CRIES RED WEE PETIT BABBY TEARS WHILE CORPSESMOOCHING KANAYA IN AN ATTEMPT TO REVIVE HER. All of this caring, worry, and guilt leads to the fact that Karkat is...
6) Rather obsessive. It’s mentioned that during the month of SGRUB, one of the main reasons Karkat never woke on Prospit during their adventure is because he barely slept. He was too busy plowing through the game and getting everyone to work together to take care of himself and participate in a vital part of the game. However, more importantly and relevant, is Karkat’s obsession with arguing with himself. Throughout their game and their time in the Veil, Karkat sets up memos to inform the team. These memos almost always result in Karkat arguing with himself from various timelines, which are pretty much the most hilarious things ever. Instead of, say, in the future deciding not to respond to a memo due to the humiliation it caused him in the past, Karkat responds anyway, feeling the need to tell his pastself that he is fucking stupid. This results in an endless cycle of selftrolling, which continues to the point where Karkat tends to blame his otherselves (past and future, regardless if they are only two minutes apart) for various failures. It takes Jade calling him out on it and some serious apology-action for him to finally admit that, yes, his pastself is also him. As is the future self. But he still often insists that they’re both bigger douchebags than he is.
Despite all of these traits, Karkat still has...
7) Spectacularly questionable leadership skills. These are the most questionably questionable leadership skills since Frederick the Great rocked onto the scene in 1740. Suddenly, we realize I'm a Prussian historian. Whoops. Like dear ol' Fritz, Karkat has respect of those following him. Unlike Fritz, this wasn't gained through his bloodline position or amiable personality AND LAUGHING AT CHAMPION AUSTRIAN FENCERS TRYING TO ASSASSINATE HIS ASS. Instead, it was gained by completely ignoring the blood-based caste system and shouting at everyone until they followed his orders. Equally. Best plan. Surprisingly, it worked. It's questionable whether such tactics would work in a nontroll situation; however, by the fact that all the trolls are alive (shut up, Aradiabot counts) by the time they reach the Veil, he can be considered pretty damn successful.
Suddenly, asking “Y SO SRS, KARKAT” turns into my entire personality section.
Any differences:
Most obviously, he isn't a troll. This has phsyiological and psychological impacts. Considering the fact that this is a personality section, we'll focus on the psychological for now. Most obviously, he isn't a psychopath. The troll species is basically a bunch of shitfaced murderhappy assholes, and two of those descriptors are unacceptable for human society. Despite the fact that Karkat probably has the most human emotions out of all the trolls, he was still pretty trolly, which would be considered fucking psychotic in a human setting. Needless to say, that's not a thing anymore. He doesn't want to be a badass threshecutioner anymore, he doesn't issue as many death threats and speak lightly about people dying. He's a bit more compassionate outwardly.
Basic troll social functions, like having a giant monster as a parent and not really having family, are gone-- from his vocabulary and his mind. He knows what family is, he knows what friendship is, and he can form normal human friendships without being constantly on his guard that someone might flip out and go postal. Alternatively, he also doesn't exist in a perpetual state of terror and fear over his blood color-- despite his first Echo. While he's convinced there's something wrong with his blood, it's not on the scale of Karkat's fear that everyone he knew would turn against him if they found out he was a mutant. So, honestly, he's a little more laid back. Not much, but enough to constitute a difference. Basically, if this were the Sims, you'd put a ton of points into obsession and assholery for Karkat and use the leftovers for compassion. For C/Karson, there's more of a balance between obsession, assholery, and compassion.
Another difference is that he fucking sucks as a leader now. Sorry, yelling at everyone until they do what you want only works for trolls. Despite this, he keeps trying. There's a reason he's the founder and sole member of his school's Film club.
Finally, troll romance isn't a thing for nontrolls. Let's take a moment to weep a little over this loss. While C/Karson still loves RomComs and being everyone's go-to guy for romance, it's no longer as complicated as it once was. This is important, especially when it comes to pale feelings of love, which was pretty important to Karkat's characterization later in Homestuck. Pale love is a platonic form of love-- just as important to trolls as romantic love. It also requires the two trolls who are in pale together, or moirails, to balance out each other's flaws. Karkat ends up acting as Gamzee's moirail, which stops his crazy dumbshit clown murderspree and saves the remaining trolls. This form of relationship, as well as hatemance (a relationship entirely based on hate and is also the reason Karkat started speaking to John in the first place, which kickstarted the troll's involvement in Homestuck), no longer exists, which means C/Karson perceives romance in an entirely human and boring fashion.
Abilities: Like the other trolls, he's gained all the levels (minus god tier), so he knows what he's doing in a fight. It seems trolls are hardier than humans; we've seen this through their violent culture, crazyass feats of strength (STRONG jump, anyone?), and being able to take heavier wounds with less dire consequences. Hell, when stabbed, Karkat's first response is to panic about his blood showing, not to flip tables over being fucking STABBED. Despite this, we know that Karkat is no where near the strongest of the trolls-- in fact, they kind of all have really wonky power levels in comparison to each other (did i seriously just use the phrase "power levels" oh my god).
Basically, if a bunch of Looney Toons had to form a basketball team to protect themselves from being enslaved on an alien theme park, and they had one opening on their team, they would be wise if they chose a troll. Perhaps troll Michael Jordan. Come on and slam, troll Michael Jordan. Welcome to the jam.
Karkat is skilled when fighting with sickles, which he was able to access through a crazy, convoluted system called a Sylladex. Basically, he could grab supplies out of a limited hammer space.
Roleplay Sample – Third Person:
He hates his job.
Honestly, deep down, everyone probably hates their job. Based on how much his dad complains about every bit of paperwork he has to take home or every hour of overtime he pulls, there are probably more miserable jobs than being a Pizza Hut delivery boy. In fact, he's got it good-- employment at age 16, decent tips, free pizza whenever he wants (read: stealing pizza whenever he wants). He should be thankful for this gainful employment. He's not part of a gang, he's not involved with drugs, he hasn't gotten shot yet. Yet. Hell, he was able to buy the iPhone 5 when it came out due to the money he was making.
But still.
Karson fucking hates his job. He hates it with all the creative fury of a teen delivering pizzas to a city of assholes. Assholes that, unfortunately, seem to think the rumor "if your pizza is delivered late, you get it for free!" is god-mandated law. Well, newsflash to all the moneygrubbing bitchmongers of Locke City-- Karson will take his merry time delivering this pizza, and he will also take his merry time in explicitly describing all your cranial malfunctions. The only pizza you'll get for free is the pizza of dying sad and alone. Which isn't actually a pizza at all...
It's a good thing his manager mandated that he accept payment before opening his mouth.
Roleplay Sample - Network:
hey, hey you worthless piece of garbage. i swear to god, if this is the result of Obamacare implanting numbers in my mind, i'm going to backflip straight into the sun propelled solely by my fists and the screams you'll unleash as i pummel you to death.
if it's not Obamacare, it's basically me being a genius and hacking into your super secret baby playhouse for government adults who think they own the world.
guess what, kids? i'm gonna fuck your shit up.
and you'll never catch me.
no matter how hard you try, no matter how many drones strikes you send my way!
i'm 15 million steps ahead of your pathetic attempts at being intellectual, because i already thought of that.
so keep fondling your collective, but *singular* brain cell you call the CIA, and pray to god for a single iota of my brilliance.
i've got to be still for about 8 seconds so you can triangulate my position, right?
well, outsmarted you there!! i'm tEXTING WHILE DRIVING, YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT MY LOCATION, JUST FUCKING TRY IT!
MAKE MY DAY!!
*I DARE YOU.*
THE PATRIOT ACT IS SHIT!
OBAMA, YOU ARE THE CANCER THAT HAS TAKEN AMERICA BACK BEHIND THE SHED AND PUT IT DOWN OL' YELLER STYLE!!!
RON PAUL 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if this
isn't
a secret government network meant to monitor the disruptive (read: right) members of society...
then
fuck.
i dont know what to say.
uh.
hey.
Here's a secondary roleplay sample - link
Any Questions? n/a; thank you for your time