Karson Valenti's Voice Mail

[enrages]

"NO, WAL-MART, I'M NOT GOING TO RETURN YOUR FUCKING CALLS. I APPLIED TO YOUR SHITTYASS STORE, LIKE, A GODDAMN YEAR AGO. I DON'T. WANT. THE. JOB. STOP CALLING.

If you're not Wal-Mart or a telemarketer, just leave a message, and I'll probably get back to you eventually. Seriously, though, this is 2012. Why the hell aren't you using something that's suitably futuristic and technologically advanced, like text messages or email? Who the fuck calls people anymore, I me---"

*beeeep*

Comments

text message; pre-ATTACK ON TUNING TOWERS

[drama8om8]

Hey, 8rave reinst8ted leader! I am a8out to go off with Alan to do something incredi8ly reckless and heroic. And you are too l8 to stop me! Them's the 8r8ks. :::;)
(It 8n't pregnancy. I promise! Just putting that on the ta8le where every8ody can see it.)
It is incredi8ly unlikely that my plan will go wrong, 8ecause it is FLAWLESS. You will 8e incredi8ly impressed when I regale you with my takes of heroism and daring and ingenuity! Wow.
8ut if I go missing, I withdrew a thousand 8ucks from my 8ank account and left it under my 8ed for you. 8ecause I am pretty cool like that. And as Cra8's past life aunt I guess it is my responsi8ility to make sure he is taken care of?
So uh. Yeah. Catch you l8r! Lol.

[ Spoilers it's going to go wrong and if Karson texts back he won't get a response

ENJOY YOUR WORRY ANEURYSM KARKUDDLES LOL ]

text message;

[enrages]

[ of course he texts back ]

waitwait wait we have to discuss things?!?!?!? what !?
where are you?!
what are you doing?!!?!
i don't want your fucking money if you die!?!? what the hell is HAPPENING!?!?

text message;

[enrages]

[ he then proceeds to send a text message every ten minutes for two hours.

and then a whole bunch more after that. and he tries to call a lot and worrie 5ever and wow you fuckin moronnnnnnnnnnnnn





totally going for the money though ]

[enrages]

[ hes not giving the money back either
not ever
this is what you get for making him worry forever ]